i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
