Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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