can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
