Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
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