Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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