I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
