Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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