Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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