Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
