He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
