Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
