If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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