Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wish I only lived at night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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