is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
