Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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