Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
