Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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