Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
