He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
