You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
