Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
