Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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