I'm going to jail i love you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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