Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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