I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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