Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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