I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
