You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
