When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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