i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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