her vagine was all disorganized.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I checked into jail on foursquare
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize