Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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