awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
