I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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