I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
