if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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