my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you would pick up someone in the library
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
