I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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