Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
