The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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