I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
