i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
