dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This is the high leading the old right now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
