Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
