I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
