guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
