i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
