On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
