he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
