Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There r osticjed everywhere
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
