I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
