it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
