ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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