Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
