apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
