you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
