Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
