last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
