Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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