You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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