how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
