Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
