there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
