I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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