I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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