Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
