So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
