I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just pee around me
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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