as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
