and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
