so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
