New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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