he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
