I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize