We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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