Your tits are I can't wait for
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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